MMMM... Me, My Mischiefs, and Miscellaneous

Quoting from one of my previous posts,
"Well, I decided not to continue with the rest of my "failure series" stories."

But I still reserve the right to decide whether a story will come under "failure series" or not. Don't I ?
Thus exploiting the loop hole in the decision I took, I'm writing about one of the miscellaneous crushes and let me remind you once again, ......."based on true life incidents".

Unlike my first crush which happened when I was studying in my first std, when I was real immature to handle the complications of such a relationship, this happened after I got a bit matured,............. in my 3rd standard. When I knew a bit more than to just dream, I knew how to act and realize those dreams. Infact by second standard I was aware of my failing relationship with my first crush and might have even tried to grow beard as a memorial of my first failure. But I realized that it is high time to forget the past and move on.

I studied in SMVN, a lower primary school which had classes only till 5th standard. It was, unlike other schools, more like a creche where we had chechis (didi) and not teachers. Our chechis were really sweet, caring and you know, the best chechis one could ever have. They could love all the 100 kids of the school with the same love, and care all of them like their own younger siblings. I stayed very near to my school, around half kilometer from the school.

Just 4 months back, for the first time, after I had left that school, I went there to see all my chechis. Only three of my chechis were still there. When they saw me, for a few seconds, they were totally confused, and then suddenly one of the chechis said
"kannan....., mone da, u still remember all of us"
That one sentence, I 'll never forget. It brought tears in my eyes. I would obviously remember all the chechis in my life. coz I just had three or four chechis in my life. But they must have had hundreds of kannans passing out every year and remembering every one of them, n that too even after 12 years. Chechi, you still remember us. Thats unbelievable. I couldnt stop the tears coming out of my eyes.
Suddenly one chechi came to the staffroom and said, ayyo.. is this the same kannan, who use to write his eyebrows, n lashes everyday. who would put so much of powder, no girl would have ever put that much make up in her entire life. May be to reaffirm the fact that black could get a bit darker than my face, I used to do those things. n she said, you remember what n all mischiefs you have done in my class, I was your Class Teacher. Haan.. chechi, I do remember most of those mischiefs, of those many, one is this miscellaneous crush.

Lets call that lucky girl, Miss XYZ. She studied in his class only, was a friend of his first crush, and used to sit in his bench only. Unlike the previous time, this time he had a fully fledged plan to achieve his goals. He was aware of the fact that for girls, it is very easy. You know they just need an "ishara" and tim, the guy is down. But for boys, if they do just isharas, they'll just keep on doing isharas the entire life. He decided to send some strong signals, signals that will be clear and evident. Thus, during one of those morning intervals, he wrote her name all over the bench with 2 HB pencil. When she came back, she saw her name written all over, gave him a very blank look, and then rubbed those names from the bench with her nataraj eraser . Rather than trying to see the emotional turmoil he is going through, she just took it as a mischief . A few days passed with no more of such violent incidents being reported. He was sure he needs to send a stronger signal. He tied both of their bags together. After the jana gana mana, she untied the knot, took her bag and left home, as if nothing happened. This was not the same guy, whou would now dream some crap like, her dad too will kill some guy, n then he will get her. He had already waited 2 years in that vain hope. But he was awfully broken that day and decided that this sheer ignorance has to be brought to be an end. "Love Me, Hate Me, You just can't ignore me baby" You should understand he was made to take such a drastic step. He wrote his name all over her bag, and that too with the only pen he had. hahahahaha ...............now you ignore me .......

You know what, it worked. This time it was noticed, not just by her, her mom, dad, all my chechis, my headmaster... no one could ignore me anymore. But they all misttok, this seven year old's true love to be a mere mischief. huh... What do they know about love...? atleast i have a prior experience.
Not only they took this as a mischief, but as a mischief worth punishing. I still remember her mom screaming at me " I just bought this new bag only last month, this is worth 275 Rs, how could you ruin this just like that. " Well, for me all other options had exhausted and had to resort to these desperate measures. They scolded me like anything. All of my chechis, my headmaster, and the one and only "her mom" on one side, and the seven year old kid on the other. It was some real tense moments for arround two to three second. I couldnt take more, and I cracked. I cried like a dog when hit by a stone. All this not coz I cared about what they were saying, coz they misunderstood my intentions. I didnt have any intention of ruining her bag. Just wanted to convey the message. But again What did they know about love. I was the one with a prior experience.

But I should say, her mom was very kind to me. First, she didnt tell any of these things to my parents ( I wouldnt have been here to write this blog if that had happened ). Second, she couldnt see a cute little smart intelligent brilliant..blah ..blah.. kid crying ,like a dog when it gets hit by a stone. Suddenly she changed her stand and started consoling me. Though it took some effort from all of them to control the emotions bursting out of my ears, after some time they were succesful. That evening her mom came back to school again , and took me with MIssXYZ to their house.

Miss XYZ had a really beautiful house with two stories. They had a pomeranian dog, and an aquarium in that magnificent house.To this day I remember the colour of the gappies they had in their aquarium, the taste of the strange but really tasty biscuit (though now i doubt whether that was some dog biscuit ) they gave me.But how much ever I try I just can't recall her name. So "lets call that lucky girl Miss XYZ."Though it is very much possible that she's a Mrs ZYX now.
Hopfully not.

Bathroom Blunders and Realizations

I think, I think a lot when I'm in bathroom, I think about myself, others , the world, the philosophies, the culture, the truth and the lies when I'm in bathroom. May be I'm a constipative thinker. May be thers no word like "constipative thinker".

Anyways, one such thought crossed my mind yesterday. Yesterday night while I was taking bath ( a very rare event that is ) I noticed that the odonil packet inside the bathroom was not actually opened. Thinking who could have done such a blunder I tore open the plastic cover, kept the odonil inside the case and threw the plastic cover in the near by dust bin. European style closet that is. In a flash I realised the blunder I did, the plastic cover is going to get stuck somewhere in the pipe and the whole flow is going to get jammed. Of course my first thought was to take it out from there...

No . wait.. wait. dont run away from my cubicle.. I dint do that. I came back to senses too soon to be on such a blunder spree.

I live with three of my freescale colleagues. All of them always ready (infact waiting) to tear me up for each and every blunder I do. So the first thing and the best thing I did was to flush the toilet. I flushed it some n number of times till every molecule of the plastic became invisible.
All I was thinking then was how to save my self from the facing those
" Who bloody.. put the plastic sheet inside that toilet...???
Don't you even know this much that it'll get stuck in there..??"

Yes baby, I knew it'll get stuck , I knew it'll jam , but I also knew you would ask this question.
So I flushed it and made sure of two things :

1. Now It is sure going to jam
2. The blame wont be on me coz no one will know the cause of the jam. hehe...

With this satisfaction I continued my once in a fortnight venture of taking bath. Really it is such a painful exercise. May be I got this habit of not taking bath from ranchi.. where in the hostel I used to just take the bucket, mug and towel and then have a walk till the bathroom, once in a while. Just to have a feel of how it is like to go to bath. and then I would return realizing it is not such a pleasent exercise after all.. But still I use to walk in the corridor with bucket, mug and the towel, once in a while.
Just like people who dont like the taste of cigarettes but still would keep one in their lips just to have the feel.
Now don't blame me for not bathing coz if you can't understand the pleasure of smoking, the taste of the NavyCut, I never blame you. Its the same for me with bathing.

But then, there were people in our hostel who never even acknowledged the existence of bathrooms . So "thammil bedham thomman thanne.."

May be extreme pain makes people think, n thats why I'm a bathroom thinker. But yesterday something was running like a deamon (background processes in unix) in the fairly large sized air filled brain of mine. On the rights and the wrongs of things I just did.

My Papa always used to tell me "beta dont run away rom problems, face it bravely"
Well, Papa yo must be a very happy man now. I never run away from problems , I always run into it, searching for them, sniffing for them, and always I face it bravely. But I face it bravely to conceal the problems from others, and not to solve it. and when I'm sure no one will now know about the problem I created, There I sit with the satisfaction and reassurance. The reasuurance that the problem will now surface again but now it'll be a problem for all and not just for me.

With the hope that either the pipe won't jam or my flat mates don't read this,
Here I sit, with the same satisfaction and reassurance, ....

The Fatal Conversation

Various sources have pointed me out that I should put a warning here. The writing is total shit. The matter is trivially trivial . The emotion is a mere blank. But even then if u want to read this particular article carry on... Please dont blame me.

From the day I joined freescale I found out that a new set of people are so interested in my life.
The bank representatives.

I've been getting calls almost on a daily basis asking "Sir, would you like to have *some precious metal name* credit card. And I always had a single reply. "I'm busy, in a meeting, call me later".

So even when I'm fighting with the pantry boy over "wheres the biscuit packet..???",
I would tell "I'm busy, in a meeting, call me later". Infact my most important meetings always happens with this pantry boy.

But s u know, the day had to arrive when all of us have to apply for a credit card. and for me it happened to be on a friday.

The fatal conversation :

She (it had to be a she, otherwise the conversation would have never happened) : "Sir, Myself Nandita from Standard chartered bank calling. Are you interested in the titanium credit card offered by us "

Her voice was really sweet and liking that I asked : Could you please brief me about the offer ?

She : @#$@#%#$^%$^%$^%^&%^&^#$^#$%^#$^#^#$^#$^#$^#$^#$^#$^#$^#$^ #$@#%
;&^*^&&^%*&*(*&(*&^(%&*(&*(^&(*&(&*(^&*(&*(&*(&*(&*(&*(&*9"

It was so fast I dint get a single word that she said, hopefully it was not some gaalis. :)

eh.... Could you please talk a bit slowly..?

oh sorry Sir. we are offering 5% cash back on this, that, this, that, tar, cement, oil, apple, cigarette n almost everything

Though tar and cement are not exactly the things I daliy use, but there were somethings in that would be useful.
Immersed in the various benefits that I'm going to get,.... an "ok" slipped out of my mouth.

And that was all she wanted : Can I have your name Plz.

its Kannan, Kay , yay , yan, yan, yay , yan . *( I donno what the hell she wrote )*

but the reply was something I never expected. and that too in such a soothing tone. ( slowly, word by word )

: wow, Sir, what a sweet name, kitina acha naam hai aapka, aapka pura naam kya hai sir

Kannan G. ( demanding full respect )

: bahut hi pyara naam hai sir aapka. really sweet. toh aap card le raha heina Sir.

But I was not a guy to be easily flattered. Though was definitely a bit interested now.

main sochke batata hun. aap baad mai call kar sakte hain.?

: Sir, aapko sochna hai ( It was total anger in her voice ) aapka saara dost liya hain, i'm not asking for any documents, main aapko muft main lifetime card de raha hun. Phir bhi aapko sochna hai..?

May be I got scared, may be I was convinced ki mujhe sochna nahi chahiye , may be I dint know what to tell, but I said

: Oh, mujhe nahi sochna chahiye, tab teek hain, aap apna representative ko bhej dijiyega

Thus I applied for a credit card without even caring for what a credit card is infact.

Theres a twist that even when i said my PAN number she said "kitna acha number hai sir."
I donno wtf does that mean.. kitna acha PAN number huh. But then it was too late .

I was ashamed of myself for being so easily convinced by someone. She even asked me not to think. How dare she.

I was mourning the decision with my friends when :

I got another call . this time from ICICI

another she : Are you interested in Gold card, Sir ?

Me (this time determined ): NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sir, Sir, aapka naam bahut acha hai sir. Are you interested in Gold card Sir ?

AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH No baby, Not this time.

Professional Life....

To,
A machine which was newly bought by a company
From,
A 3 months old machine.

My friend,
Welcome to the "professional life". But the word "professional life" gives you some hope. That won't be fair. So let me reframe it.

Welcome to the profession, my dear. There is no life here.

First few days will be very exciting when you see all those new people and the lucrative oiling that you get after the days work. Don't get so excited, all those new faces are those who are going to run various commands on you. Commands, some which were never told to you, and some you don't understand and some that you would never want to do. They call it honeymoon period here. if this is what they call honeymoon, man, i'm even scared to marry now and i feel sorry for all those married.

Earlier you had some thing to look forward to, everyday.
like, I'll defeat gogoi in Counter Strike today, or i'll tell her what i feel about her today, or i'll sleep atleast 10 hrs today, or i'll atleat attend three classes today, or... or .... or.... or .... or.....

Welcome, dear, welcome, where you look forward to the exact samething everyday
Its like you loosing to gogoi in CS everyday.or you telling her what you feel and she slapping you everyday, or sleeping 3 hrs everyday or attending all the classes everyday. (infact the last two of the wish list is one and the same. if u attend all the classes you sleep atleast 3 hrs during those classes and not sleep the entire night.

rather I should have said, where you look forward to nothing everyday.
You'll soon enter into a very mechanical life where every day is like every other day
Things you know, you are going to do, and those which, you are not going to. Welcome to a life minus uncertainty and fun. Where you are a machine which works according to the demand, the company oils you and u get rest when they grant it.

Every monday you curse the day for those weekly reports, tuesdays for being a tuesday, wednesdays for not being a friday, thursdays for nothing happened in last four days, and fridays for .....well, no one curses a friday.

You meet the same people everyday, do the same work and the chance of meeting someone new or doing something different is as high as my manager telling me "good work, Kannan"

Life will be like a script. where for a provided set of input you'll alwsys get the same output. No uncertainties no randomness, a well defined algorithm, a matured tool.

Well, last saturday, I tried to add some uncertainty to my life, by telling the ice cream vendor to pick an icecream for me. He picked a cornetto crunchy and i was ha ha ha, i dint expect that.. Finally some uncertainty.

I spend my weekdays hoping for the weekends to come and my weekends scared of the weekdays that are imminent. and I find both flying past me without giving even a single event worth narrating.

Dear friend, Welcome to the profession. there is no Life here.